How I Upgraded my Defense

Motivational thoughts ❤ 

I am used to criticism. Anywhere I am attacked, I would just brush it off.

10 years ago, however, I couldn't.

24 year old me would fall apart, cry and write sad poems about how people's word would hurt me. It was weird time in my life though because I never understood why. Years into my life as an adult I learned to "muhasabah diri" where I search within me, the things I do that would annoy people to the extent of them attacking me with hurtful insults.

Of course everyone has their own weakness. Mine was being different. I was and still am always the odd one out in a crowd. I used to think it was a bad, terrible thing, to not be able to blend in with people. That being different meant being a freak. Isolated. Ignored. In time I began to understand why people would treat me bad, disapprove my existence. People hate what they don't understand. They didn't understand me because I didn't let them. I still don't let them.

Alone, but never lonely.

Now I got used to it. My "being different" is now my strength. So what if I don't wear what people wear? So what if I don't talk like people talk? So what if I don't live my life like everyone else? So what if I am different? Am I a bad person for being different? Do I steal peoples' money? Nope. Do I steal peoples' husbands? Nope. Do I sabotage peoples' lives? Nope. Do I spread rumors and secrets and hurt peoples' reputations? Nope.

Everyday I try to be a good person. I would do as much as I can for people. I would help people for free. I would share whatever I have with people. I would stay positive even when it's darker than Gotham City. I know I do good things. And that's all that matters to me. That I know I am a good a person or at least I try to be.

Do people still judge me negatively? Yes. They still insult me. Judge me. Hurt me. Behind my back, where I have no defense. Or up in social media posts, where they think I would be hurt, and then they can "lol that wasn't for you." to save their asses. But did they manage to break me? Nope. I'm not 25 anymore. Negative words are like dust. They come, annoy me a bit. I sneeze em off, they disappear, I forget them. The dustmites remains, but on the floor. Where they belong.

dustmites. in case you don't know what they are.

And directly too, I get sarcastically attacked for wearing too much make up, stylish dresses (lol, really?), talking English correctly, being diva-ish in any circumstance... I guess that's how people see me. And is it bad? To them, maybe. But to me, I'm doing what I love to do. I love make up. I love pretty dresses. I love speaking English the way I do. And I love looking nice in photos. I'm probably eccentric, as a friend used to describe me as. And I have learned to accept it. Things that maybe negative to people, are positive to me. Where's the fun in being ordinary, right?


So that's how I level up my defense. By accepting who and what I am and turning every bit into positive vibes. Yeah I do break down now and then, but in the end I stand back up and be myself again. As long as I don't do bad things to people, I'm good.

And Be Different. Be Yourself.