It's not easy being 30+ and single, especially in a country like this. Everyone has the same expectations for everyone. Get married, settle down, get children, buy a house. These expectations set up a typical mindset that when a person doesn't seem to reach that level, at a certain age in their lives, they are viewed as failures. Hence, comes the sympathy.
I am a girl with so many stories in my life. I have been through many, many relationships that failed, sometimes for idiotic reasons, sometimes for the greater good. I've had my share of heartbreaks, and breaking hearts too. Some decisions were with regrets, some that build character. I have had hopes and expectations broken, over and over again. I could definitely break Taylor Swift's record of hit songs if I knew how to write any...
Being in my 20s and in and out of relationships was easy. I was young, I had choices, and I had time. Nobody asked me when I was going to get married. Everyone gave me my space. I was in fact terrified of marriage. Sometimes I would dream about being married and wake up crying buckets as I was never ready for those kind of commitments. But then again, I was in my 20s. I thought I had all the time in the world. I spent it all on gaming, long distance relationships and a dream I would marry a latin foreigner (who looks like Cristiano Ronaldo) and live in the US.
But soon life hit the Fast Forward button. The next thing I knew, I was 30 and still single. My friends were all married with children already attending schools. Everyone started to get worried about me. The questions started to pour in. "So when is it?", "When's the special day?", "So is there anyone special?", "Bila lagi?", "Bila nak makan nasi minyak ni?", "Jangan lambat-lambat..."
The first few times I was asked those questions, I was okay with it. Soon, it started to annoy me. I had to refrain myself from firing a rude defense. (Most who asked were older people so being a goody Malay I had to "respect" them...) What I learned is you cannot control what people ask you. Sometimes the same person would ask me the same question every time they see me. Sometimes within the same week. Some would be over-supportive... "Jangan risau, ada jodoh tu nanti..." Some would be sympathetic "belum kahwin lagi? ala... sabar lah ye..." Some would be intense, "Ko jangan lambat-lambat nanti susah nak beranak nanti..."
Firstly, Thanks for your concern, although I'm not sure if you really are concerned, or just trying to bitch about your happiness, assuming I am miserable and lonely. Secondly, you're not helping at all. If you're not going to introduce me with a perfect suitor, then stop with the questions.
Of course I would love to be married with a baby girl. That was my dream since I started to tolerate little kids. But for me, I would love to be married with the right person. The person who sees me as the most beautiful person in the world, even when I look like a distorted hyena trying to bite people's head off. The person who tolerates and enjoys what I do (cats, games, make up, shopping, music, movies etc...). The person who laughs at my unfunny jokes and listens to my nonsense rantings. The person who accepts my weakness and sees them as my strength. The person who treats my family like his own. Marriage is a life deal. I don't want to get married just because you asked me to. I don't see life that way. I grew up watching a hell lot of Hollywood movies, I don't live the drama Melayu where marriage is the answer to everything.
So, about the question I'm being asked so much in so many different ways, there's your answer. I don't know when, but I do know with who. I don't need your sympathy, I love all that's in my life right now. I don't believe in the same things you do, I don't live my life the same way others do. I want to enjoy things before I'm not allowed to enjoy them anymore.
Lastly, If anyone feels offended, sorry. My intention of writing, publishing and sharing this blog is to let everyone understand how I feel when asked those questions. I also don't represent the whole 30 and unmarried ladies. Everyone has their own story. This one is mine.
Happy Deepavali everyone.
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