Philosophy of Anne #1

When something is becoming “overwhelming”, take a break.

Distance yourself from it.

Go to a place you will feel safest and most comfortable.

Breathe, and remember to stay positive.

Can you believe it?

My last post on this blog was January 2019. That was almost a year ago. Almost. It’s November now and I finally has some time and mood to write in.

What a busy year!

I have a new plan. Lately i found myself Having too much time to overthink, leading me to some mild insomnia. Yeah by mild insomnia, I mean waking up at 6.00am on a weekend just to think, and never be able to fall back asleep again. Because of heavy thoughts, it’s annoying.

Also, everytime I walk around the office, attending meetings, I realized how far I’ve come career-wise and yet here I am, still at the same spot. Oh well. That’s life in a nutshell for almost everyone, I guess. So I decided to write again. Let’s see how “again” lasts, by the way. I have a plan to make an official blog, for me to record my work stuff, as well as keep this one around. And maybe re-organize ALL my blogs. Is this a journal? Is this a blog??? DECIDE, bish!

So I’m taking out my (also long forgotten) planner, ipad and colourful pens, and let’s begin. Crap. Friend just called. Going for pre-lunch now.

Penang Bridge Accident - My Two-cents

Yesterday, the Nation was shocked by a news about a road crash on the Penang bridge that happened at 2.30 a.m. between 2 childhood friends who was returning home from the same birthday party. The cars were a Toyota Vios and a Mazda CX5. The SUV however, plunged into the sea, where witnesses could do nothing. After series of news report, turned out the Vios Driver, aged 21, who was driving like a demon (as a dashcam video showed), was tested positive for ganja and alcohol. Yikes. 

A Toyota Vios, wrecked on the Penang Bridge. Image by NST. 

I know I'm not in the position to give any opinions on this matter. I'm sure there are billions of netizens out there who have a lot to say about this accident. What I'm writing here is just what I think. Random thoughts, obviously. 

As you can see from the video above, the Vios driver was driving insanely dangerously, overtaking cars using the left lane, swerving left and right without braking, pretending he's driving a Ferrari. I have to say, you don't drive a Vios like that. Vios is a Japanese version of MYVI. It's mere purpose of existence is to get from point A to B slowly and safely. But fullspeed? Big mistake. Then, he hit the (also speeding) white SUV from a dangerous angle and speed and both lost control of their cars and one was unfortunate to fall into the hungry sea. 

There are many reports, articles on this accident. But after reading series of official news reports, here are my thoughts:

1. On Alcohol & Drugs : Don't drink and drive. No matter what. The advantage of being a Muslim is that it's forbidden to drink alcohol, which helps a lot in reducing the percentage of DUI drivers in this country. However, due to the small number of road crash caused by DUI here (as compared to other road crash courses), the Don't Drink and Drive campaign barely exist. So is the law enforcement. Hence, you see people driving around drunk like it's nothing.
2. On Speeding : Kids are crazy. Hell when I was 20 years old I would drive around like a maniac. But not to the extent of causing accidents. I know when to speed and when not to. Reports mentioned that the Vios driver had been involved in many crashes. So why is he still allowed to drive? 
3. On staying out late at night : Nothing good happens after 12.00 midnight. I know how it feels being 20 and wanting to explore the world, especially midnights. I did it once, and all I felt was sleepy the whole time. But when activities involve drinking and smokin weed, I'd understand why they'd want it to last till dawn. But all it caused in this case was death. Right now, the government is considering a curfew for those 18 and below. I'd definitely be on board if the age increases to 21. Even Americans still categorizes people below 21 as kids. 

So there it is. My thoughts on this. 

Pouring my heart out… Jan 2019

I was feeling rather stressful at work, and being in a new place (believe it, almost a year here and I still feel new), so I decided to write down my feelings. I have to tell someone. So I guess whoever’s reading this is “someone”.

For the first time in 9 years of lecturing, I feel dumbfounded. All My life, teaching and lecturing have always been filled with energy, spirit and motivation. I love my job; I’m living the dream of being an educator. (yeah I always loved to talk to an audience, hence my public speaking / debate background) But lately, I find myself feeling tired and demotivated every time I entered the classroom. Every time I walked into an empty class, I could feel my spirit breaking. As I sat down at the teacher’s desk, waiting for my students to arrive, my blood boils. 3-4 more days like this, I was sure I would pass out of high blood pressure.

Not only were they late, they were up to 30 minutes late. I know some would say “hey at least they still came…”, which had probably become the reason they would think it’s okay to be late all the time. THREE times, there would always be someone who was 20 minutes late. My spirit drained day by day.

After lecturing them (as an attempt to change their attitude), I finally got enough motivation to conduct the class with some excitement. I hate being angry. I’d always end up regretting feeling annoyed so I’d avoid having any negative feelings. Moving on with the lecture for the topic that day, I felt slightly satisfied as they took out a printed version of the chapter’s notes that I had prepared for them. Good. A whole day work was appreciated. But then they started to annoy me again.

Silence. I asked them a question, nothing. I specifically asked one student, they shrugged. I asked another, they just said “I don’t know...” So 1 hour of talking and explaining, and you got NOTHING?! My blood began to crawl to 100 degrees. Okay, since lecturing doesn’t teach you a thing, I’ll give you activities. So I did. I gave them some topics to research. It’s the smartphone era, everything is online. 30 minutes later, NOTHING. I told them if they finished, they can go. Still NOTHING. OH MY GOD wtf is wrong with these students? How was it possible that they could be so rock-hard stubborn? I felt so desperate, so disappointed. No matter how hard I tried to brush off all negativity, I couldn’t. I just wanted to leave the class, start my engine and drive home, crawl under the bed and disconnect with the world. I felt like I failed as an educator. That it was my fault they were so, blank. But of course I didn’t. My inner voice kept yelling “BE A PROFESSIONAL!!!” so I just stood there, forced myself to be okay with the situation.

My bubbly, cheery personality is being challenged so hard, it’s impossible to not admit defeat. Teaching teenagers had become so ridiculously exhausting. Here I am, preparing all these interactive activities for them to enjoy while learning, only to be responded with attitude later. Sigh... A good educator doesn’t give up, they say. A good educator would always find a solution. A good educator educates, no matter how impossible. And trust me, I’m not even exaggerating.

How I Upgraded my Defense

Motivational thoughts ❤ 

I am used to criticism. Anywhere I am attacked, I would just brush it off.

10 years ago, however, I couldn't.

24 year old me would fall apart, cry and write sad poems about how people's word would hurt me. It was weird time in my life though because I never understood why. Years into my life as an adult I learned to "muhasabah diri" where I search within me, the things I do that would annoy people to the extent of them attacking me with hurtful insults.

Of course everyone has their own weakness. Mine was being different. I was and still am always the odd one out in a crowd. I used to think it was a bad, terrible thing, to not be able to blend in with people. That being different meant being a freak. Isolated. Ignored. In time I began to understand why people would treat me bad, disapprove my existence. People hate what they don't understand. They didn't understand me because I didn't let them. I still don't let them.

Alone, but never lonely.

Now I got used to it. My "being different" is now my strength. So what if I don't wear what people wear? So what if I don't talk like people talk? So what if I don't live my life like everyone else? So what if I am different? Am I a bad person for being different? Do I steal peoples' money? Nope. Do I steal peoples' husbands? Nope. Do I sabotage peoples' lives? Nope. Do I spread rumors and secrets and hurt peoples' reputations? Nope.

Everyday I try to be a good person. I would do as much as I can for people. I would help people for free. I would share whatever I have with people. I would stay positive even when it's darker than Gotham City. I know I do good things. And that's all that matters to me. That I know I am a good a person or at least I try to be.

Do people still judge me negatively? Yes. They still insult me. Judge me. Hurt me. Behind my back, where I have no defense. Or up in social media posts, where they think I would be hurt, and then they can "lol that wasn't for you." to save their asses. But did they manage to break me? Nope. I'm not 25 anymore. Negative words are like dust. They come, annoy me a bit. I sneeze em off, they disappear, I forget them. The dustmites remains, but on the floor. Where they belong.

dustmites. in case you don't know what they are.

And directly too, I get sarcastically attacked for wearing too much make up, stylish dresses (lol, really?), talking English correctly, being diva-ish in any circumstance... I guess that's how people see me. And is it bad? To them, maybe. But to me, I'm doing what I love to do. I love make up. I love pretty dresses. I love speaking English the way I do. And I love looking nice in photos. I'm probably eccentric, as a friend used to describe me as. And I have learned to accept it. Things that maybe negative to people, are positive to me. Where's the fun in being ordinary, right?


So that's how I level up my defense. By accepting who and what I am and turning every bit into positive vibes. Yeah I do break down now and then, but in the end I stand back up and be myself again. As long as I don't do bad things to people, I'm good.

And Be Different. Be Yourself. 

The Creep

I'm a loner. Always have been. Mainly coz life is easier alone. You can go wherever and whenever you want while avoiding judgements. Yesterday, during lunch I went to the Beach to have my lunch. A deliciously packed Nasi Kerabu. I found an semi-isolated spot and parked at the beach and enjoyed the food... mmm...

Then, an almost worn down car came and parked beside me. 2 men were in the car. I minded my business and continued my meal while watching Unreal on my iPad. One man exited the car. An old man, probably in his 60s, long rusted hair and faded tattoos. Looks local, but the tattoos? i don't know, maybe Viet or Burmese, God knows.

Another man exited. Younger but ugly as fuck. Malays would say "muka pecah jamban" Same, looks local but could also be burmese or viet. Who cares. They walked to the beach. Phew. Back to my lunch and movie.

5 minutes later the younger man came to their car. He glanced my way and after noticing I was a lady, alone in the car, put up this creepy face.

Something like this

And didn't stop staring. I noticed because EVERYTIME i lifted up my face I saw him staring with that look. Walking, staring, smiling like a freak. I gave it a chance. Thought nothing of it and continued with life. Then few minutes passed and he just...kept...staring... what the F, man? He entered his car and turned his head to make sure I know he was still staring. Okay. Enough. Lost my appetite and shifted my gear to Reverse, an attempt to leave the area.  

The creepiness didn't end there. He started reversing his car, leaving the poor old tattoo man behind just to "follow" me. Look, I know you probably think it was probably just a coincidence, right? That I was just being paranoid. I wish I was. He reversed the car half a second after I did and made it hard for me to leave.

Another WTF moment. I ignored his gesture and continued to leave the area. Fortunately, another car drove by and delayed his exit. God exists. I drove off and was annoyed at the fact I didn't get to finish my Nasi Kerabu. 

WTF just happened there?

So that was yesterday. WHY DO UGLY GUYS DO THAT?! You would never see a hot, handsome man stare creepily at women. Why are ugly guys, also freaks? Why do these people have too much of a confidence, they think it's OKAY to be creeps? 

It's that time again...

Urgh politics. Never been an interest of mine. It's the grosses thing after shit. The worst. But every 5 years, we gotta get our butts to the poling stations and vote for who we think would make a better country for everyone. Because according to PAS, if we don't.. we'd go straight to hell. Or wait... is it if we pick the wrong person? Never mind, either way we're still going to hell.

Exactly how I feel during voting season...

So anyways... This is not a campaign.. or anything opposite or adjacent to that... Just hating politics but unfortunately, it's WAJIB. So I'll drag my feet, baca Bismillah and vote for whoever I feel like voting that day.

Hey at least it's a public holiday! See you on May 9th.

First Task : Accomplished with Flying Colors

Work is tough... Sometimes you got a whole LOT of things to do... Sometimes you got nothing to do so you gotta pretend like you do. Friends come and go. Sometimes people look like they like you, sometimes they show that they don't. At the end of the day, it's just what you have to go through everyday to get money to buy the lovely things you like.

I was given a task last week to organize a staff assembly. I was a bit surprised when they chose me. It didn't seem like a HUGE task, but normally I would be called in as a teeny tiny committee member with minimal work to do. Not this time. They gave me the post of a boss. Program coordinator. Floor manager. Whatever you wanna call it.

Good thing about living with mom... Tablecloths! They exist!

I had a rough time asking people for favor. Firstly, I don't know them as a colleague, the last time I met them was when I was 18 and a student here. Secondly, I JUST reported duty for like 3 weeks? And the task required me to manage people. People I don't know.

But as I worked my my way through (with a LOT of help from people) I learned that things fall into place if you work hard for it. Everything went smoothly. The big boss liked the program and nothing went wrong. How I thank God for answering my prayers! I felt so blessed.

I guess, when you're desperate, you'll somehow find ways to survive. All you have to do is put on a mask, throw away all shyness and shame, and ASK for HELP.

Attendance was encouraging! waheyyyy promotion team!

TODAY - The Power of Google (and google skills)

So on Friday I had some troubles connecting with my Network's shared files. Banyak kerja tak dapat settle coz of that so I called ICT to help set up file sharing on my PERSONAL laptop. (unfortunately government dah takde duit nak bagi staff PC). The ICT staff gave me some instructions... "Taip BACKSLASH dua kali lepas tu taip datastorage... BACKSLASH tau bukan slash biasa..." As if I be dumb and don't know what BACKSLASH is 😑So I did and Windows gave me this SMB V1 and V2 bulls***. I told the ICT staff and she agreed to come check it out. She did and tried the thing she told me to type coz apparently she still couldnt believe I know what BACKSLASH is. The same SMB BullS*** came up.

 Hoping for her to FINALLY understand my problem, I waited in anticipation. What happened? She video-called her supervisor because she didn't know what to do. WOW. After some series of failed googles, she finally said "Cik kena update windows 10 ni..." Then left because "lama lagi ni, nanti lepas update boleh dah masuk server..." So after 3 days of struggling with Windows update I tried the BACKSLASH code thing again. Lol. The same SMB shit came up.

A simple TICK...! Take that, u ICT noobs!

Pi kat Windows Feature and TICK the stupid little box called "Enable SMB1" THAT WAS IT. Restart computer, Voila. Settled. Pa la kau ni ICT staff... Tu pon x dpt figure out ka? I don't need a freaking IT degree to google my way out of a problem. So now I'm happy and I feel smart. Thanks, Google. ICT department needs to recruit REAL ICT people.

p/s : WE KNOW WHAT BACKSLASH IS!!! \\\\\\\\\\\\\\

The "New Girl" Once again

When I was young I had this fear of not having friends. All my life I have been moving here and there. I was always in a new place. I was always that "new girl". And everytime I stepped into the new place, the fear took over me, sinking my heart deeper and deeper.

All hail Miss Poetic.  

A thousand years later, I am still the "new girl". A part of me doesn't care about making new friends. The other part? It gets lonely. Especially when you hear the ladies talking and laughing from the back of the room and you are at your desk way to the front, writing blogs.

Experience have taught me to not give a F*. These people had years and years of getting to know each other. They may have a strong friendship build-up but they missed a lot of fun I had being nomad. I get to know new people all the time. I get to go to places knowing at least ONE person. And despite carrying my reputation with me everywhere I go, I still get a fresh start everytime.

Fresh start! (Again!)

Single... "senang"

7 years I have worked in this education system. 7 years and I have been to 3 polytechnics (plus 1 university) . Some people are lucky. 20 years and still in the same place, same desk, same environment. Talk about being scared of changes. But hey, who am I to judge? I'm single. It's easy for me to move around the country anytime and live anywhere.

That's what they say. Single. Easy. Free. As opposed to having a husband and kids they have to drag around like some kind of burden. Well hey, I probably won't understand it yet. All I have right now is myself and Nugget. I was sent on earth by aliens in a UFO. I have noone in my life to worry about. Right?

LOL

Bullshit. Single people may seem "easy" to be put here and there. In a life where the ultimate goal is to be married with children, they seem to forget to see things through our perspective. Try live the single life in a country where ALL your friends are married with kids. Try carry that loneliness around. Try having no choice but to depend on your own independence to work your way through life. Try being single and live a billion miles away from your family, your parents, the only family you have? Try having no husband to come home to, no kids to worry about, noone to share your problems. You think we don't have problems? Open your mind a bit, we do. We just have different problems, one you could never understand once you say I do. (Unless you undo it by divorce, of course).

Of course I enjoy being single. That's the kind of person I have grown to be. I don't burden myself with the need to be married. I enjoy spending my own money for myself and going wherever whenever I want to. Yes, it gets lonely sometimes. But I get over it quickly once I log on to Barolyra and live my virtual life kicking ass like I do in reality. After dating series of losers I had decided to be single and independent with the help and support of my mom and dad. They are my priority just like your husband and kids are yours. So when you say "ala Anne bujang... senang nak pindah mana-mana...". Take a minute and walk a mile in my shoes. I make it easy. You have no idea how my reality is. You have no idea how moving here and there and still come home to an empty house is like.

It's fine if you enjoy comparing life with others. I understand your problems, I do. I know how hard it must be to move to new places where you have to put your kids into new schools, adjust your routines of being both a mom and career woman... Of course I get it. But at the end of the day, you get to see your kids' faces, and everything is worth it, no? You get to divide your problems in half when you come home to a husband. At least you have a husband to pay your bills and fix your car and be there when you get into trouble.

Everyone has problems. Stop forcing us to empathize with yours when you can't open your eyes to see our side of the world.

Meeting His Family

So I finally met his family. Oh did I tell you I am getting MARRIED this JULY? Can you believe it? Me? FINALLY?

Okay anyways, it's been a month since my trip to KK and I have been busy playing online games that I didn't have time to focus a bit on my blogging. So a month later, I found this draft and since I have a restraint from logging on Barolyra (coz I'm back at work dammit!) I might as well finish it up and publish it. 

Meeting his family was surprisingly fun. Tiring, but fun. They were all good people, treating me nice enough to make me feel welcome. I know it's probably too early to get excited but hey, first impression is important, right?

And all is well in this department. Alhamdulillah. 

Old New Workplace

I had to delete my previous post because it was shallow. Yep I re-read it and realized I was shallow as hell judging people by their size. Daheck Anne? What did 1 and a half year of absence from work turned u into?

Why is it that everytime I look at the clock, it is always STILL 11 am. There should be a thoery on this. Wait let me google.

Aha! Someone wrote this article! Click HERE for 24 Ways to Make a Slow Work Day Go Faster.

Here's some I shortlisted for myself.

1. Get Lost in Social Media. Really? Coz since 2016 Socmed has been a nuisance in my life. I only log in when there is ultimately nothing to do. I don't care much about virals and reading comments. People suck, especially online. 
2. Play an Online Game. OMG you have no idea how I am craving to log on to Ark: Survival Evolved right now. My dinosaurs need some lovin'!
3. Write for fun. Hence, this. 
4. Become an Expert on Something. This is interesting. I know I should start on the book I plan to publish. Tomorrow. 
5. Make plans for after work. Ark, duh!
6. Take a snack break. Hmm... okay. I'll go find some KFC after this. I am starving!
7. Follow a new blog. Interesting. I have never followed any blogs before. I just google whenever I need something lol. Maybe I should start doing it now. 
8. Remind yourself why you like your job. The money. The freetime. 
9. Create an online Shopping wishlist. Now? Neh. I got everything I need and no more space in my room for anything Anymore. 
10. Catch up on the news. Yikes. Maybe I should. 

Returning back to work...

Somewhere in between completeing my masters and enjoying my break from work, I got lost in the fact that I still have a job with responsibilities. Urgh I am so used to staying up till 2am and waking up at 9am I have no idea how to adjust with my work schedule anymore. I don’t think I can be ready at this point.

Anyways, about work… Turned out I’m going back to old Politeknik Port Dickson. Yep, the polytechnic I studied in 16 years ago. (wow I’m old). Of course I’m glad going back there instead of the Sabak Bernam area which is infested by monitor lizards and charlies. My feelings are all over the place?

For a year and a half, I have felt so safe. Hidden in my bedroom at my parents’ house day and night playing video games while chatting with my gamer community had kept me from the dangers of society. Judgmentals, gossipers, douchebags. But I guess I knew it couldn’t last. There would come a time where I had to return to them all. The time is now and I have to get my lazy ass off my desk chair and move on with life professionally.

Where do I start? There’s just so much to do and so little time. My priorities are all over the place. To make it worse, I have a freaking wedding to plan! God Help Me!

Absence

When I bought a macbook (2012) I had a goal to start writing. Journals, blogs, you name it. The soft keys of the laptop made it look fun to type with. But that didn’t last long. My excuse was that the macbook was not so practical as it wouldn’t fit into my hand bag to be carried everywhere. So I bought an iPad. It seemed at that time (2014) having a portable typing device would make my blogging easier. I downloaded this app (Blogpad Pro) which wasn’t free to add on to the ambitious gesture.  Blogging is so hard.  Everytime I get it on, all ready to start typing a life worth of thoughts, I lose interest. My writer’s block seem to be lasting a whole lifetime. Started with days, then months and they years. To be more precise, I even forgot my password to the blog I once had before I made this one. So much for the saying Hangat-hangat tahi ayam or translated as “Hot hot chicken shit” meaning want to do it, but got lazy in 2 minutes.  Anyways. After watching 4 seasons of Sex and The City, I found my interest again. I wonder why I didn’t like the series before. Maybe at 34, single, finally I can relate to it. I love how Carrie expresses herself in her articles. I may not be a professional writer but I sure have a gazillion stories to tell. I mean, I’m only single for like 5 more months. I should start writing more.  So for now, just another “hello again...” I’ll think of something to write about. 

I don't sell my stuff...

Yeah I have lost my creativity to think of a better non give-away blog title. So let's just jump straight into the topic today. I don't sell my stuff.

Obviously I am a shopaholic. I LOVE buying stuff. I just love spending money. An unhealthy habit, I have to admit but it's what makes me happy. At least for a while before I start to realize I'm broke. Then salary arrives and lather, rinse, repeat. You know what I mean. Selling stuff? That, I suck at.

What inspired me to write about this is the many, many posts in facebook and instagram of my friends selling their pre-loved things. (Pre-loved is a newborn internet word which means used, or second-hand). From clothes to gadgets to accessories and randoms, they seem to have high confidence in selling them to friends online. Sometimes strangers too. Very business minded, these people are. I however, am strongly attached to material. And here's why.

Everything I have has a backstory. For example, a friend once asked to buy my Macbook for a fair price since I already have a new laptop, the Alienware. It didn't take me a split second to refuse the offer. Sure, I didn't need two laptops but I couldn't bare the thought of departing with the Mac. Why? Because it was a birthday gift from my parents. Selling it would be losing a sentiment.

That's just ONE backstory. Then there's my iphone 5S which I obviously didn't need. But I couldn't sell it because it was a replacement for my iphone 4s when I lost it in AEON while shopping with my parents. Immediately that day I bought the 5S, my dad paying half of it because it was indeed a sad day. Before that I couldn't sell my blackberry because it was a phone I bought for myself after sturuggling through my first job which sucked. So now I have a box full of old phones I could have sold for cash, but didn't.

The same thing goes with clothes. Every designer dress I bought was for an occasion or event. So the dresses i own  come with memories. With that sort off attachment, I couldn't find the heart to sell any of it, although most of them don't fit me anymore. (Someday I'll crazy-diet to fit myself into them...someday...)

So I end up a hoarder. I have tons of crap under my bed that mean stuff to me but nothing to everyone else. So when people ask me why I don't sell my stuff, and that I could make a fortune from them, it's cause I am attached to the memories of how I bought them.

But who knows? Someday I might change my mind. I did sell a gold ring that an ex gave to me years ago. I guess some things are fine to let go. We'll see.

My answer to your question

I don't usually share my blog posts but i might be sharing this one for the people around me to read (if they want). I also don't vent a lot but this time, I hope what I write here will make a difference. Not to the world, but to my life. 

It's not easy being 30+ and single, especially in a country like this. Everyone has the same expectations for everyone. Get married, settle down, get children, buy a house. These expectations set up a typical mindset that when a person doesn't seem to reach that level, at a certain age in their lives, they are viewed as failures. Hence, comes the sympathy. 

I am a girl with so many stories in my life. I have been through many, many relationships that failed, sometimes for idiotic reasons, sometimes for the greater good. I've had my share of heartbreaks, and breaking hearts too. Some decisions were with regrets, some that build character. I have had hopes and expectations broken, over and over again. I could definitely break Taylor Swift's record of hit songs if I knew how to write any... 

Being in my 20s and in and out of relationships was easy. I was young, I had choices, and I had time. Nobody asked me when I was going to get married. Everyone gave me my space. I was in fact  terrified of marriage. Sometimes I would dream about being married and wake up crying buckets as I was never ready for those kind of commitments. But then again, I was in my 20s. I thought I had all the time in the world. I spent it all on gaming, long distance relationships and a dream I would marry a latin foreigner (who looks like Cristiano Ronaldo) and live in the US. 

But soon life hit the Fast Forward button. The next thing I knew, I was 30 and still single. My friends were all married with children already attending schools. Everyone started to get worried about me. The questions started to pour in. "So when is it?", "When's the special day?", "So is there anyone special?", "Bila lagi?", "Bila nak makan nasi minyak ni?", "Jangan lambat-lambat..." 

The first few times I was asked those questions, I was okay with it. Soon, it started to annoy me. I had to refrain myself from firing a rude defense. (Most who asked were older people so being a goody Malay I had to "respect" them...) What I learned is you cannot control what people ask you. Sometimes the same person would ask me the same question every time they see me. Sometimes within the same week. Some would be over-supportive... "Jangan risau, ada jodoh tu nanti..." Some would be sympathetic "belum kahwin lagi? ala... sabar lah ye..." Some would be intense, "Ko jangan lambat-lambat nanti susah nak beranak nanti..." 

Firstly, Thanks for your concern, although I'm not sure if you really are concerned, or just trying to bitch about your happiness, assuming I am miserable and lonely. Secondly, you're not helping at all. If you're not going to introduce me with a perfect suitor, then stop with the questions. 

Of course I would love to be married with a baby girl. That was my dream since I started to tolerate little kids. But for me, I would love to be married with the right person. The person who sees me as the most beautiful person in the world, even when I look like a distorted hyena trying to bite people's head off. The person who tolerates and enjoys what I do (cats, games, make up, shopping, music, movies etc...). The person who laughs at my unfunny jokes and listens to my nonsense rantings. The person who accepts my weakness and sees them as my strength. The person who treats my family like his own. Marriage is a life deal. I don't want to get married just because you asked me to. I don't see life that way. I grew up watching a hell lot of Hollywood movies, I don't live the drama Melayu where marriage is the answer to everything. 

So, about the question I'm being asked so much in so many different ways, there's your answer. I don't know when, but I do know with who. I don't need your sympathy, I love all that's in my life right now. I don't believe in the same things you do, I don't live my life the same way others do. I want to enjoy things before I'm not allowed to enjoy them anymore. 

Lastly, If anyone feels offended, sorry. My intention of writing, publishing and sharing this blog is to let everyone understand how I feel when asked those questions. I also don't represent the whole 30 and unmarried ladies. Everyone has their own story. This one is mine. 

Happy Deepavali everyone. 

The Launderette Scandal

Wow so many updates on so many devices! First world problem. Apple has released major updates on all products. And there's a thing called Apple Pencil now being sold somewhere. Funny how they avoided the name "Apple Pen" and settled for pencil to avoid memes and puns.

Anyways today I'm gonna blog about the current issue. Ever since the fire genocide crime was solved (?) people have been looking into the next viral issue. And the next viral issue goes to...

A launderette! Waheyyy! Congratulations Malaysia, you did it again!

Amazing how a tiny little thing like this made it big

When the article first came up in some local newspaper I was just annoyed at the purpose of the sign. But it was nothing new. So Malays will be Malays, so what? I was so ready to move on until it kept appearing on my Facebook timeline every 2 minutes, with no sign of stopping. It became viral news of the week. A launderette in Muar, opening specially for Muslims for cleanliness purpose. So i guess Non-Muslims are gross people, right? That's what those people believe, at least.

Then came the reason. They wanted to make sure all clothes are free from "Najis" such as Dog hair, alcohol (maybe) and all that. So i was like ooohhh I get it. So it's fine. They have the right to do that. So why not? If you feel uncomfortable about it and like to take everything negatively, then the solution is simple. Don't go. Wash your own clothes, duh!

What amazes me is how the non-Muslims don't seem to care much about it. The offended people are the Muslims themselves. (Whaaaat?) Reading comments on all posts related to that, most Chinese and Indians are like "Oh okay, it's cool, we get it..." but the Muslims seem to be jumping around having panic attack. Geez, chill, bros. It's a freaking Launderette. It's not the end of the world.

The issue reached its peak when the Sultan of Johor threatened to close down the business if the owner didn't take off the sign. Wow extreme. And everyone thought he would be on the owner's side.

"We are not Taliban.." was one of the statement used by the Sultan in his speech. I agree. I deeply despise extremism. However, in this case, I don't think the business's intention (of limiting customers to Muslims only) is any big deal. I am not good in Business policies, hell I'm still struggling to pass my CBM course, but I personally think and feel like every business owner has a right to select their target customers. So if they want a 100% Muslim market, let them be. Just like other business, where Non-Muslims aren't allowed in. Nobody made a big deal about that.

But of course, everyday is a new viral and this is purely entertainment for me. Although, the response, the comments, the religious and political speeches regarding this issue worry me a little as it shows the mentality of most Malaysians. Somehow, we are still close-minded. We got a looooong way to go to reach modern development in terms of acceptance. What a bummer.

Genocide by fire...

A devastating, heartbreaking thing happened more than a week ago.

Taken from NST's website,

A fire broke out at the Pusat Tahfiz Darul Quran Ittifaqiyah religious centre located at Jalan Keramat Ujung, Kampung Datuk Keramat around 5.15am ton Septermber 14th.
The fire is believed to have started in one of the dormitory rooms on the top floor of the three-storey building. At the time, there were a total of 36 students and six teachers in the building.
The tahfiz centre had only been in existence for about a year. It was built from contributions from the local surau. It is understood that the students were asleep when the blaze happened. The authorities believe that when the fire broke out, the students tried to make their way out but were trapped.
It is learnt that the building’s windows were fitted with grills which could not be opened from inside. In addition, there was only one door to enter and exit the building. There was also no dedicated fire exit.
Firemen who entered the building found the charred remains heaped on top of one another. They were found at several locations, all near windows at the third floor. Several boys however managed to escape after breaking open a window at the third floor and jumping a first-floor awning.

And that was only the beginning of a very long, sad and tragic chronology of news reports. I'll just summarize it here.

The fire which everyone initially thought was caused by accident was actually an act of the biggest crime in this country's history performed by kids. Yup. kids. Aged between 11 to 18, these kids had planned the genocide, murdering 21 innocent Tahfiz (people who memorize the Qoran) students and 2 wardens. And since that news came out, people have been crazy commenting news blogs, mostly wanting the children criminals to be hanged (and/or burned) to death for what they did. I don't intend to give out a public opinion because I certainly am not an expert. I just wanted to put this in my blog to be reminded of this tragedy.

Everything that happens is written by God. We kinda have to believe that, as taught in the religion. But, don't misinterpret it. Accepting fate and destiny doesn't in anyway means forgiving, forgetting and letting go of the people and parties responsible for any bad happenings. Accepting fate (at least for me) means believing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and to reach that light is to walk, run or even fly through that dark tunnel. Acceptance in what we can't change and find a way to move on from it. Most importantly to calmly and rationally find a solution to not allow it to happen again.

I hope justice will prevail. I pray for these kids' soul to rest in heaven and for the criminals to get what they deserve. It's a sad month for the whole country.

Vios

As to update you on the last post, I got a new car! Well, not that new anymore since it has been like almost a month already (and I have to start paying the loan now urghhhh...) But yeah, a new black vios, an upgrade from the previous one. Presenting...

Blacky!

It's black, It's awesome and soooo handsome, i LOVE it!

So people, friends have been asking me. Why Vios? And why retain the same plate number?

Well, Toyota has never failed me. I've been using the previous PandaVios for like 6 years and it has served me well. Protected me, took me to places and stayed loyal with me. With all that in mind, I had to keep the soul of the car with me, the plate number that noone can get elsewhere (unless you buy a car in Sabah...). Why Vios? Why not a CHR or a Camry or an Altis? Honestly and sincerely, becauce at my level, a government servant, Vios is all I can afford right now. I still got many things to buy (being a high maintenance lady like some people label me) like make up, clothes etc so a Vios is best option for me. I am always so grateful I can even afford a cool car like this.

So there you are. Confessions from the bottom of my heart, I chose black because it's rare. Most Vios on the road are either silver or white, so black is a little different from the norm. And it looks sooo cool I LOVE it! oh I said that already.

So blacky, looking forward to having awesome adventures with you.